TOUCH ONE LIFE DEEPLY-2

Getting back to the topic of persons with disability and an earlier post, TOUCH ONE LIFE DEEPLY, I want now to briefly mention a few concepts that are important to become aware of and more familiar with. The following is only an introduction. Much more information can be found by entering these keywords into Google and other search engines. If I can help in any way, please ask.

INCLUSION
I think the bottom line of inclusion is that everyone is a gift and has gifts to offer others; however, this can only be realized in full when people spend quality time together. This is not to say that we are only pure and beautiful gifts to each other and that there are no challenges involved in spending time with me -- or you -- or anyone else. Most of us are a bit of a mixed bag: very nice here; fairly nice there; something to be desired there.

Inclusion brings people together -- people with disability mixed right there in the midst of things with people without disability. But inclusion doesn't just THROW people together haphazardly, with no thought or planning or strategy or design to help ensure positive experiences for all people involved. Inclusion takes knowledge and time and planning and effort and dedication and practice and learning from mistakes and learning from others and .... Inclusion is (sometimes) very hard work. But the good often seems to well outweigh the bad.

INDIVIDUALIZED SERVICE PLAN
Emphasis on INDIVIDUALIZED! This concept is often concerned with the types of paid support and services a person with disability receives. These may be, for example, from a school setting (Individualized Education Plan (IEP)) or from professional service providers, often funded by Medicaid.

It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure it may be easier to lump ideas and people and services together into 1 or 2 large bags, and to give everyone a bit of the same thing from that large and bland portion. But -- BUT! -- when you think about it -- I am not you; you are not me; and we are not him. Everyone is a ONE! A somebody! TO EACH HIS OWN! as they say.

Individualized Service Plan takes into account the real person before us: Who they are; their strengths; their weaknesses; their desires; their needs ... and it figures wise and creative and realistic ways to provide support and services to THAT person on THEIR terms for THEIR best interests. It puts the horse before the cart --  the support and services exist for the person in need; the person in need does not exist for the benefit and ease of the support and services. All in all, a much finer way to do business.

PERSONAL FUTURES PLAN
Similar to Individualized Service Plan, but more expansive -- covers more ground -- covers all of life. They say if you don't know where you're going you probably won't get there. Personal Futures Planning is an organized way to look at A Person and work together with him/her to figure out and to make happen those things that make for a nice life experience FOR THAT PERSON! It considers the whole spectrum -- no stone left unturned: Who am I? What are my likes? What are my dislikes? Where to live? Who to associate with? What to do? When? Where? Why? How?

Dream short term -- the immediate present. Today. Tomorrow. Dream long term -- next year. Five. Ten and more years from now. Personal Futures Planning puts all of this to paper and WORKS diligently to help make dreams become reality.

CIRCLE OF SUPPORT
Unfortunately, a lot of what has been mentioned above IS NOT EASY. Some of it is VERY DIFFICULT to accomplish in reality. If it was easy for a person with disability to have a relatively rich and full life experience, everyone would be immensely happy and fulfilled and I wouldn't be writing this post. But the sad truth is that life for many people with disability leaves A LOT to be desired -- and this IS NOT! inherent in the nature of the disability itself!!!

Sometimes a person with disability requires an array of support and services, and the quality of life experience is directly proportional to the QUALITY of those supports and services. Circle of Support is a personal commitment from a small group of family and friends to MEET TOGETHER ON A REGULAR BASIS with the person with disability, and to talk and figure out and plan how to best ensure that all of the pieces of the difficult puzzle are duly accounted for: "These are the issues of concern until our next meeting. I am responsible for this. I will call him tomorrow evening. You are responsible for that. You will take care of this Monday morning. You will do this by Thursday." 

Over time, with a small group of dedicated people working TOGETHER, each accountable to the other and each personally committed to the betterment of life for the person with disability, things will get accomplished and life experience can be improved. Again, there is no substitute for putting in the time, the sweat and the hard work, but there is a real and certain joy in the effort and outcomes shared TOGETHER -- some blazing accomplishments; sometimes frustration, disappointment and perhaps defeat; some still mountains to be climbed.

BRIDGE-BUILDING
Some people are born leaders. They are PEOPLE PEOPLE. They seem to get along with almost everyone and almost everyone gets along with them. People more or less melt in their presence. It's a very nice gift to have ... and it is very rare. But if you can find that person -- a genuine, for real, no holes-barred PEOPLE PERSON -- to become involved on behalf of a person with disability, they can be a key to unlock many doors in the surrounding community of people and activity.

This person can help build bridges, so to speak, for the person with disability into the rich, full life of the neighboring community: playground, scouts, music, gardening, animals, church, sports, work, politics, science, education, theatre, fishing, boating, travel and more .... Their task is to learn the interests of the person with disability and to approach on his/her behalf the people and places in the community that provide those interests. Again, sometimes strategic planning and coordination will be necessary to pull the feat off in as smooth a way as possible, but a foot in the door that is readily accepted and trusted goes a long way toward realization of the goal.

ADVOCACY
It takes a strong person to stand up to the powers that be. It is easy to feel intimidated, or overwhelmed, or out-powered, or out-maneuvered, or out-manned, or just beat down. It would be nice to think that everyone out there is doing what they are supposed to do, in the way they are supposed to do it. It would be nice to think that you just call in the needed supports and services, plan a little here, coordinate a little there, tweak a little here, and things will go smoothingly well on behalf of a person with disability. The sad truth is -- IT JUST DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT!

We're dealing here with people. People with all sorts of ideas and concepts and beliefs and ways of being. People with their own issues and lives and families and interests. People oftentimes with full slates. People with a lot of interest, or some interest, or perhaps no interest at all in trying to get it right. We're dealing here with systems and bureaucracies and rules and regulations and funding streams and this-is-the-way-it's-always-been-so-we-can't-do-it-that-way syndrome.

An advocate is a bulldog. Sometimes a sweet and kind bulldog if that will get the job done; sometimes a ferocious bulldog if it seems that is the tack to take. An advocate has a rather clear notion of the person with disability, values him/her as a PERSON OF VALUE, and will go to bat on their behalf to help make happen what is supposed to happen. An advocate could be a parent, a family member, a friend or a neighbor. An advocate stands up and calls it like it is -- trying to get it right on behalf of the person in need of a strong and sometimes unrelenting voice.

Sincerely,
FJS

PRETTY HOUSE and PRETTY CAR


PRETTY HOUSE

A while back a friend asked me to help paint the outside of her home but she wasn't decided what color. She had a few ideas but wasn't locked into anything just yet. So ... I spent quite a bit of time riding through the city looking at homes for something that looked nice to copy.

Discovered that -- to my eye -- the VERY ATTRACTIVE home doesn't exist too often. Many homes look nice, but they just don't WOW! me. When I see wow I know it immediately. Turns out that a wow home is all the very same color -- NO TRIM AT ALL! Doesn't seem to matter much what the color is --  just so long as the house is the same throughout with no trim.

That look seems rich and beautiful to me. Majestic. Aristocratic. Fit for royalty. Simply outstanding. WOW!

I mentioned this opinion to one of my brothers who has studied and worked with house paints for many years. He immediately agreed that one solid color throughout gives a rich appearance. He added that a trim color on a house gives a nice look, but of an entirely different nature -- more country and folksy. Nice, but definitely different.

I certainly favor WOW NO TRIM! It's NOT EVEN CLOSE!

PRETTY CAR

I spend a lot of time on the road in my current job. Traveling about the city, down the highway, along country roads and bayous. Plenty of time to think and to observe. Began to wonder what color automobile is most attractive.

After days and weeks of observation it is clear to me the nicest automobile color is ... GREEN! Green just stands out in a very attractive and very pleasant way. It is Calm. Cool. Soothing. Comforting. It fits in beautifully with God's nature around it -- Green grass. Green trees. Green autos. Simply beautiful. WOW GREEN!

FJS

WHAT'S IN A TITLE?

The following is a list of titles I have thought of over the years. Some of these -- perhaps many -- will eventually become my future blog posts. If you have any favorites, just let me know and I'll likely develop those posts sooner rather than later. Until then, I invite you to imagine your own blog entries -- or better yet, actually write them.

FIRE AND BRIMSTONE
DAMNED IF YOU DO, DAMNED IF YOU DON'T
FALLEN ANGELS
I'VE NO ONE BUT ME TO BLAME
GOODBYE, AGAIN
GOOD DREAMS
MARKING TIME
JUST ONE STEP AHEAD (OF THE REST OF US)
CHILDLIKE AND LOVING IT
TIME TO BREATHE
DON'T PUT ME ON A PEDESTAL
MONEY BLUES
I'M NOT WHO I WAS/I'M NOT WHO I AM
FOR BETTER, FOR WORSE
FAR BETTER, FAR WORSE
TRYING TO FIND MYSELF SINCE I LOST YOU
PLEASE DON'T TAKE AWAY THE PAIN
ONE/OUR LAST EMBRACE
ONE LAST LOVE
A THOUSAND DEATHS
CAN'T STOP THE PAIN
LOSING YOU, LOSING ME
FINDING YOU, FINDING ME
WHEN BUTTERFLIES DIE
BREATHING, PULSE, BUT NOT ALIVE
DON'T COUNT THE COST
NEVER SAY NEVER
TOO FAR AFIELD
YOU WHO ARE LORD, REDEEM
LORD, I COMMEND
JUST PASSING THROUGH
TRAVESTY
TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT
DON'T TAKE IT PERSONAL
BELIEVE ME
TRUST ME/TRUST IN ME
TRUSTING YOU
CAN'T GO ANY FURTHER
I'LL LOVE YOU (PERHAPS TOMORROW)
(I'LL LOVE YOU) PERHAPS TOMORROW
WITH YOU, WITHOUT YOU
YOU'LL NEVER KNOW
WHY DON'T YOU LISTEN (FOR A CHANGE)
GOING THROUGH THE MOTIONS
IF ONLY WE COULD LAUGH AGAIN
CHILD'S PLAY
EVEN GROWNUPS SOMETIMES CRY
I CRY WHEN IT HURTS
IT ONLY HURTS WHEN I BREATHE
TOMORROW NEVER COMES
LONG, LONESOME ROAD
YESTERDAY WAS MY TOMORROW
IF ONLY YOU KNEW/IF YOU ONLY KNEW
SEND ROSES TO LAKEWOOD
MY/OUR LAST GOODBYE
NO ONE WINS WHEN YOU (WE) LOSE EVERYTHING
I'VE LET YOU DOWN
THE HURT KEEPS BLEEDING
NOBODY TELLS US/NOBODY TOLD ME
IF I (WE) COULD CHANGE THE PAST
THE DUST NEVER SETTLES
LIFE WITHOUT YOU
TRIBUTE
DON'T EVEN THINK TO ASK
BITTERSWEET
DON'T LET ME TAKE THAT AWAY FROM YOU
WASHED IN THE BLOOD OF THE LAMB
ALWAYS AND EVERYWHERE
UNSUNG HEROES
TAKE THIS RING
CASTAWAY (WEDDING RING)
NICE (GRADUATES WITH NICE...AND NICE...)
IF I COULD CHOOSE ONE PLACE TO BE

Sincerely,
FJS

GOOD PRIESTS

In an earlier post, WHAT IF A PRIEST?I came down pretty hard on a particular experience I had with a particular priest. I want now to set the record straight in regard to my thought about priests in general.

I was raised Roman Catholic and spent quite a bit of time involved in church activities. I attended graduate school of theology for 3 years. I spent several years working for various parishes and had a room to live in several rectories. I was a caretaker of a home for priests to visit on their days off of work. I came across a good number of priests over the years -- most were simply passing acquaintances; others I got to know fairly well.

I would say that 2 out of 10 priests I have met over the years are ABSOLUTELY OUTSTANDING! men of God. They are a strong witness to all that is good. They give themselves and their lives to serve God and others seemingly wholeheartedly. They are a joy to meet and an inspiration to me in my life.

I would say that 6 out of 10 priests are run of the mill AVERAGE GUYS. They mostly try to do what they are supposed to do, and they try to do it reasonably well. They hit and miss. Put in some effort; take some away. They rise to the occasion at times; they fall short at others. For the most part they put in a day's work for a day's pay. Nothing great; nothing outstanding; nothing truly inspiring. They mostly do what they are supposed to do in a rather typical, average way.

I would say that 2 out of 10 priests are a DISGRACE to themselves, to their profession and to God. They made a terrible mistake by becoming priests. The Church made a terrible mistake by ordaining them. They should get out of the priesthood or be thrown out and they should try to get their life in order someplace with less on the line in the way of influence in the lives of others. They need a lot of prayer, a lot of work and a lot of change -- on themselves.

All in all I think the 2-6-2 out of 10 ratio for priests -- 2 outstanding, 6 average, 2 miserable -- is about equivalent to the ratio I find in the general public. Every once in a while I come across extraordinary individuals -- beautiful people who seem to have it mostly all together -- doing beautiful things. Most people I find to be rather average -- take it or leave it -- just getting along -- hit and miss. A few people seem to be scum of the earth. They are a disgrace to themselves and a misery to others.

For my part I am a mixed bag. I have had moments of being extraordinary -- but only a few brief moments. That really doesn't count for much. I have unfortunately also had moments of seeming to be scum. I have hurt and disappointed others -- I think unintentionally, but hurt them nonetheless. Most of the time I seem to be just an average Joe: trying to get through life in a reasonably decent way; trying to get better at this -- one step forward, two steps backward, and one or two forward again. I do think I am making some small progress. Baby steps -- sad but true -- for a grown man.

Sincerely,
FJS

(ADDENDUM)

It's been 3 days since this post was published and it's just not sitting well with me. It cannot be that 2/10 priests and 2/10 people in the general public are MISERABLE FAILURES. I may be judgmental and cynical, but I am not THAT judgmental and cynical. 2/10 priests and 2/10 people miserable failures? It cannot be that many! Then what would be a more accurate ratio? 2/20? 2/40? 2/100?

Who knows? I am not God. It's not for me to decide. The point of the post is: There are some wonderful priests and we can learn well from them and their lead. Most are like the rest of us and they serve us reasonably well. Some leave a lot to be desired -- they seemingly do more harm than good.

Some good news in all of this is that the Church believes and teaches that the efficacy of the sacraments does NOT depend on the state of the minister. God's grace abounds and will benefit the recipient. This, indeed, is the REALLY GOOD NEWS!

FJS

MORE THAN A COINCIDENCE

I am 55 years old and as I look back over those years there are some moments that stand out to me as being more than a coincidence. I cannot help but consider these moments to be evidence of something more than the ordinary -- to be truly nothing less than answered prayer.

I write this post not to wave these my moments in front of you for some type of recognition. I write this post to encourage you -- or more hopefully to remind you -- to recall your own life experience and see that you also have had such moments of answered prayer. Someone, somewhere, somehow is watching over us! I cannot speak for you, but for my part I stand in awe and gratitude of these magical -- no -- of these Mystical moments.

THE YOUNG ANGEL

I was in my early 20s at the time. Down and out. Lonely, as usual. Not feeling well at all. Rather prayerful by nature -- or nourished by need? -- I went across town to a local university. I found some small measure of peace on the beautiful front lawn. Quiet and prayerful. A religious statue not far away. Broken hearted, I was just trying to hang in there. Trying to maintain some glimmer of hope that life was not really so miserable as it seemed. Trying to muster my belief that perhaps there was something beautiful on the horizon that I just couldn't see.

I was thinking at the time of a young woman I had met a few years earlier. Absolutely gorgeous! Precious! Sweet! One of God's gifts to this earth. I hadn't seen her in years, but she had touched my heart and my soul just by her being. We barely knew each other. Our relationship was little more than in passing only. Nevertheless, she and her beauty and her spirit definitely touched my heart.

Sitting down and out on the university lawn, I thought of her and her beautiful spirit. I looked up toward the religious statue in a gesture of prayer ... and there she was! There she was in the distance walking toward me. THERE SHE WAS!

We met and spoke for but a few minutes. I cannot remember what we said at the time. I don't remember having seen her since. For this moment, though, I know that someone ... somewhere ... somehow -- beyond what I touch and feel and see -- is with me. This moment in my life was indeed more than a coincidence. I have no rational explanation whatsoever. I say it is answered prayer.

THE NIGHTCLUB PRINCESS

This next remarkable moment will certainly seem commonplace and quite unremarkable to most of you. I assume that you have had probably many and sometimes close relationships to the opposite sex since you were a child. Try to imagine if you can a person -- me -- who for whatever reason grew into his late 20s and had very few close relationships to females for all of those years.

I went to a nightclub to have a drink and look at the women. Lonely, as usual. I had been going to clubs for some time now. Never really enjoyed the atmosphere. Not my style. Not my interests. Except -- except -- that's where the ladies were. I was smart enough to know that no lady was going to come knocking on my door. I pretty much forced myself to get out the house and give fate an opportunity. Maybe. Maybe. Just maybe I would meet someone to take an interest in me. Someone to give me the time of day. Someone to treat me like I so desperately wanted and needed to be treated -- with a measure of love and care and concern. For me. For me!

Down and out. Not feeling well. Going through the motions. Walking around the nightclub. Sipping on my drink. Walking. And looking. And wanting. And hoping. And broken so miserably. Crying deep within. I turned the corner of the dance floor and I saw her -- this gorgeous PRINCESS -- smiling at me. No doubt about it. Smiling at ME!

She disappeared into the crowd. I couldn't get her off my mind. I walked about. Sipping my drink. I had for the moment a small measure of joy that someone -- that this princess -- had taken the time and the care to smile -- at me!

I watched her dance. A pure delight! Precious! I found enough nerve to walk up to her and ask if she would like to dance. She did. And we did. And we two enjoyed the remainder of the night and the weekend together.

She then got on a plane and flew to the opposite end of the country where she lives. We have remained good friends through these many  years. To my way of thinking this precious moment in my life is more than a coincidence. Someone, somewhere, somehow is watching over me.

THE RESCUE

I had walked away from 20 years of social service work. Couldn't continue. Didn't have it in me. I was drained, and frustrated and exhausted. I remember walking on the levee crying -- a grown man literally crying. Broken hearted. I had to move on to some other work. I was just no longer well suited to where I was and to what I was doing.

I had walked away from my 7 years employment with the church. Many reasons went into this decision. Some are mentioned in the post WHAT IF A PRIEST. I will likely mention other reasons in some future post. It was time to move on -- again.

I had been working several months as a stock clerk for a neighborhood grocery. Please don't get me wrong -- very grateful for the employment  and the income. It helped me to (barely) stay afloat. Making little more than minimum wage; fronting cans of carrots and peas so everything looked just right; gathering buggies from the parking lot; mopping the floors and cleaning the toilets.

From my broken heart I prayed desperately -- no, I begged -- to be spared from this work. I know someone needs to do these chores, but after several years of graduate school, after climbing to some comfortable height in social service work, after shouldering much responsibility at the church, I seemed -- well -- I seemed reduced to very little. I prayed to be delivered. Surely I had something more to contribute, even as I didn't know -- broken as I was -- what that something was, or even could be.

I called a friend G that morning to say hello and ask how she and her husband had been doing. Hadn't seen or talked to them in several months. Both are pillars of the church. Good folks.

Pushing buggies in the parking lot. Praying in desperation. My cellphone rang ... "Hello. I don't know if you remember me. This is J from CSH. I don't know if you're looking for work or not, but if you are interested we need a delivery driver."

Thank you, God! Thank you, God! THANK YOU, GOD!!!

It turns out G went to the religious gift store just minutes earlier to buy a few things for the church. J recognized her just enough to know she was involved at the same church where I worked. "Do you know that guy who works at your church? I don't remember his name. I haven't seem him in a long while. Do you know how I can get in touch with him?"

"J doesn't work at the church anymore. He left months ago. I can get a message to him, though, if you like. Wait a minute. WAIT A MINUTE! I have his cellphone number right here. He called me just a few minutes ago. Here it is ...."

I'm not really big into making deliveries. I'm not really big into church supplies. But for the most part this employment with CSH is just what the doctor ordered -- quiet, peaceful and prayerful. From the big city, I relish driving down country roads, along the bayous and the Gulf Coast. Certainly more than a coincidence, someone is watching over me. And that someone has my cellphone number! Unbelievable!

I could mention several more remarkable moments in my life, but I don't see the need -- I think you get the point. Let me, though, mention just one more I think you will enjoy.

ANSWERED PRAYER

My ex-wife and I had divorced several years earlier. Things just didn't work out. We managed to salvage a somewhat cordial relationship afterward, nothing too very bitter. A simple phone call every so often to say "Hello. How are you?"

SS had moved a year earlier to the other side of the state. She had been diagnosed with a brain tumor, and moved to the country to be close to her best friends on this earth. SS was very near to dying.

She called me one day and asked, "Could you please send me $1000?" You would have to know SS ... I'm sure it almost literally killed her to make that phone call. Very Proud. Very Strong. Very Independent. I never asked what she needed the money for. None of my business. She and I both knew I didn't have a dime to send. Had been living paycheck to paycheck for quite a long while now. All I said was, "I will do my best to get it to you soon."

I hung up the phone and started praying. I asked God to please let me send SS $1000. I asked again. And again. And again. I didn't have $1000 to send. Really. Hardly even a nickel. I couldn't charge it. I couldn't borrow it. I wouldn't steal it.

All I knew to do was to pray ... and I went to the city casino that night. I wanted so much to do something nice for SS for a change ... I was almost crying. I put $20 in the slot machine. And I prayed with every push of the spin.

Not 15 minutes later I won a small jackpot! I had $1000 to the dollar to send to SS. The money order was in the mail early the next morning.

SS died a week later.

WE ARE NOT ALONE! ... NONE OF US! ... NOT EVER!

Most Sincerely,
FJS